Oni Lestari
Virtual assistant, copywriter, SEO-expert
Do you ever find yourself looking at others and feeling like they have everything figured out while you’re left questioning your every move?
This ongoing struggle between self-doubt and self-confidence can be draining. But what if we told you that unshakeable confidence is within your reach?
In this article, we will explore the root causes of self-doubt, the importance of embracing imperfections, and the process of cultivating self-love.
Plus, we’ll provide practical tips on how to build self confidence right away. So, please read on!
Table of Contents:
Self-Confidence VS. Self-Doubt
Self-confidence and self-doubt are like two sides of a penny. There’s a side when we want to start a new business, we might see success in the future. But on the other side when we want to do it, we’re afraid someone will ask “Your major is electrical engineering, why are you doing that?”.
Or when we want to upload our content and grow personal branding, we’re afraid someone from our office will judge us. It’s like we have a thought that “Hey, this is the path, this is what you could go down” and there’s also a thought that tells us “No, don’t go, stay in the cave, stay in your comfort zone.”
So, let’s discuss where that self-doubt comes from and how to build self-confidence. Learn how to build self confidence right away, silence that inner critic and unleash the power within, allowing you to confidently pursue your goals and dreams with these 4 steps.
1. Stop Overthinking
2. Stop Comparing Yourself
We all fall victim to overthinking sometimes. But even though our thoughts are powerful, they are not always facts. Our brains are constantly generating thoughts to interpret the world around us. The problem is we often mistake these thoughts for reality.
This is where self-doubt creeps in. That nagging voice telling us “You can’t do this” is fueled by negative thought patterns. It’s not our feelings or the situation itself, but the way we think about them, that creates our emotional state and potentially hinders our actions.
If your inner critic comes in when you want to do something, you could challenge that thought by asking yourself, “Have I met most of the requirements? Can I learn the rest quickly?” Then you could take action by updating your knowledge, skills, and experiences, then doing what you need to do with confidence! But if you’ve met the requirements, just do it!
Here’s why overthinking is counterproductive:
- Fear of failure: You need to keep in mind that you can’t predict the outcome of your work, failure or success is not in your hand. You can try again if you fail, but if you don’t try you have to live with the regret forever.
- Unrealistic expectations: You compare yourself to others and create unrealistic goals, setting yourself up for disappointment. Because there’s no such thing called overnight success.
- Perfectionism: The pursuit of perfection becomes a barrier to progress. It’s okay to start imperfectly and iterate as you go. As Reid Hoffman, co-founder of Linkedin, famously said, “If you’re not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you’ve launched too late.”
Remember, self-doubt is a common human experience. By recognizing its source in your thoughts, and learning to challenge them, you can break free from overthinking and take control of your life.
The age of social media highlights everyone’s “best life”, creating the illusion that others possess something mysterious we lack. Scrolling through Instagram feeds or comparing ourselves to colleagues can fuel the belief that “they have it all”, more money, time, or support. This constant comparison fuels negativity and makes us feel inferior.
The truth is, constantly comparing ourselves to others rewires our brains for negativity. Our brains, wired for efficiency, tend to repeat patterns. The more we compare, the more rooted the negativity cycle becomes. It doesn’t matter if we just got a promotion or have a great relationship, that feeling of positivity can be overshadowed by underlying negative self-belief. External validation, like compliments or achievements, doesn’t create lasting confidence because it doesn’t address the root cause: our thoughts about ourselves.
Instead of letting those negative thoughts simmer, acknowledge your feelings and then reframe them. Tell yourself, “Everyone has different strengths. Maybe I can learn from them and improve my own.” You could also congratulate them and ask for some pointers.
Here’s how to stop comparing and build confidence:
- Shift your focus. Instead of comparing your journey to someone else’s highlight reels, focus on your path. Celebrate your progress, big and small.
- Challenge your thoughts. When the comparison monster whispers doubts, question its validity. Are these thoughts based on reality or just fear?
- Build confidence from within. Confidence comes from self-belief, not external achievements. Invest in activities that build your self-worth and positive self-image.
- And always remember that your life is a unique journey. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
3. Know Yourself, Know Your Worth
How well do we truly know ourselves? In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in external distractions, constantly evaluating and comparing ourselves to others. We may find ourselves neglecting the most important journey of all: self-discovery.
The truth is, life isn’t about what’s outside of us, but what’s within. When we focus too much on external factors, we lose sight of our true selves. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and lack of inner peace.
The antidote to this is self-confidence. This is when we know and accept ourselves fully, we can navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience. We can make decisions aligned with our values and live a life that is authentic and meaningful.
When we truly know ourselves, we can accept our strengths and weaknesses, our unique personality traits, and our past experiences. This acceptance leads to greeted self-confidence and a more positive self-image. You might be a great writer, a natural leader, or incredibly creative. Identifying your strengths allows you to focus on areas where you excel and contribute meaningfully.
How to cultivate self-knowledge:
- Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Ask yourself questions like “What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are my values and goals? What makes me happy?”
- Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process them more deeply and gain insight into yourself
- Meditation: it can help you to quiet your mind and connect with your inner self.
The journey of self-discovery is a lifelong process, but it’s well worth taking. As you learn more about yourself, you will unlock your true potential and create a life that is filled with purpose. But if you’re still unsure of your career path or purpose, you could explore your strengths and interests by taking online personality tests designed to identify potential career paths. Talk to people in different professions you find interesting. Consider volunteering to gain firsthand experience. This way you can gain clarity on your skills and passions, leading you towards a career that feels fulfilling.
4. Love Yourself, and Be Your True Love
Feeling good about ourselves, like a strong building, needs a good foundation. That foundation is made of two things: accepting yourself and forgiving yourself. We all get nervous sometimes, feeling like we’re not good enough. It’s normal! But true confidence comes from learning to be okay with who we are, even if we mess up sometimes.
Liking ourselves isn’t about being perfect. It’s about realizing you’re human, we’ll make mistakes but we’re still worthy and valuable. We’ll never be flawless, there’s always room to learn and grow. And when we accept this, the pressure to be perfect disappears.
For example, if you feel like you’re not a good public speaker, you could accept that public speaking makes you nervous, but also acknowledge that you have valuable things to say. You could then join a club to practice your skills and build your confidence.
This lets you focus on getting better, not on some impossible dream. Here’s the best part, when you accept yourself, you become kinder to yourself. This makes you braver to try new things, knowing you can learn from mistakes. It will make you focus on what you can do now and be the best version of you today. Like Master Ougway said, “Yesterday is a history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today is a gift, that’s why it’s called a present.”
If you’re struggling with self-love, here are some practical steps you can take to build it:
- Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn to forgive yourself for past mistakes and focus on the present. Remember, you can’t control the outcome, but you can always try again.
- Practice self-acceptance. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love myself. I am valuable.” Repeat it until you believe it and don’t forget to offer yourself a genuine smile.
- Start your day with positive affirmations. Feed your mind with positive thoughts and affirmations. This will help you set the tone for a positive day.
- Embrace your unique style. Forget about what others think and dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and happy. When you feel good about the way you look, it shows.
